Looking Ahead Without Looking Back

April 4, 2008 at 9:47 am (Random Thoughts, Real Life, Spiritual)

Well, it seems like the future has decided to forcibly impose itself upon my present. I am, understandably, a bit miffed that it won’t listen to my arguments, but I suppose I’ve run out of options now that I’m out of liberal arts required courses.

You see, I now have to decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. It’s terrifying. I have no idea what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, or where I’m headed. I know that I’m heading somewhere, but everything is too dark to see right now. I hope that it’s God’s lead I’m following, but I can’t even be sure of that.  I’m following something, but what?

Psychology is what I love. I find myself absorbed by the way humans think and act, why we do what we do or feel what we feel. It’s like the whole human mind is a puzzle that I can never hope to complete, but I’m still trying to put together as many pieces as possible. I feel passion, which is something I fear my life lacks at times. I feel as if I often run through life, never investing myself in anything, but just doing what needed to be done before moving on. But I enjoy this, enjoy letting parts of me slip away and latch onto the principles and ideas. Learning about it is thrilling.

But how can I do God’s will with this? I know he can use me no matter where I am, but is this the best place? I don’t know, I don’t know how to find out, and I don’t know if I’ll ever know. There is a lot of work that I’m going to have to put into this. With God, I can do it. And I will find a way to help others. But…am I chasing what I want and ignoring God’s call? I can’t hear anything else right now, but is that only because I’m not listening?

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