An Assortment of Things that Do Not Belong Together

April 8, 2008 at 2:49 pm (Random Thoughts, Real Life, Spiritual)

Okay. I’ve had a lot of random ideas running around my head. They’ve been jumping around and causing havoc, so I’m going to throw a few out there and see where they lead. There will be a lot of stream of consciousness topic switching, but I’ll try to remain clear. Try. 

I recently finished Desperation by Stephen King. Now, King may not be a theological author, but I thought there were some very interesting ideas presented in this book. It actually came down to a lot of theology, in the end. Which was a bigger twist than anything else. You see, there was a constant refrain that “God is cruel.” Initially, I wanted to simply throw this aside as the agnostics uninformed view of a wonderful God. But it isn’t. God is cruel. Yet he isn’t this way because he wants to, but because it’s what we need. God is a refiner’s fire, burning away the things that do not belong. That got me thinking. Then, in Bible class, I learned that God used the death of Ezekiel’s wife to illustrate Judah’s fate. That was tough. I can’t imagine being Ezekiel and realizing God was taking away the person you loved to prove a point. To know that, once you left for work in the morning, you would never see her alive again. That is cruel. But necessary. And there was good that could work within the circumstances. Harsh, but true. And, I’m beginning to think I see the main problem with our outcries against suffering. We expect the world to be fair. In the perfect world, it would have been. But we live in a fallen world. It can’t be fair. Have I figured it all out yet? Not by far. Is God cruel? I don’t know if that’s the word I want. God is love, but even love hurts sometimes.

Switching to something a little lighter. How annoying would it be if gravity wasn’t constant? I mean, seriosusly, think about it. All the little science classes climbing the stairs of stadiums to drop bowling balls off the top step. First, it would look normal, but then it would all just float slowly to the ground. The next time, it would plummet so fast your eyes couldn’t follow. On the fourth attempt, it would float up, up, and away into the clouds. Eventually, everyone would just leave without any idea of when or where it would come down. Or if they ever really existed to catch it in the first place. It’d make things difficult…but os so much more interesting…

I realized today that I am absolutely content. Which is nice, for a change. I wasn’t really discontent before, but i was striving for some things. Now, classes are going good even if they are winding down. The weather is finally (somewhat) nice. If a bit fickle. I’m happy with friends, family, boyfriend. I feel more on the right track spiritually than I have been in quite a while. I even feel as if I can make a shadow of a difference with the work I’m doing in Fair Trade. It’s great. Life’s good, and i hope to hold onto this peace even when it isn’t.

Last random topic. Friends. It’s so strange, but I was sitting in the Student Center with Paul, Jon, and Calea one night this week, playing cards. Now, that was pretty typical, but I was struck by a very surreal feeling. Why was I there with those people? We were just hanging out, wasting time, but why? Why them? Why there? How did I know them? It all rushed in at once, and I was a little taken aback. Months ago, I didn’t know them (Calea excluded.) Then there was the period where I spent every free moment I could with one of them. And then that didn’t work out (I’m not being mean in any way, but thank God that He had a better plan for me. It didn’t work, and now I’ve found something that feels a lot more peaceful and right. God is good.) Now, we were all fine. Everything was floating along as we sat and played cards. And I realized that these people were friends. Which probably doesn’t entirely make sense. I can’t explain it. Maybe it was the sense of belonging, of reality. Yes. College, for one single instant, was real. It was real life on a real timeline of existence. It was one of those moments where you can see all the pieces fitting together. But, as always, it drifts back away. And I don’t know how I got there or where I’m going, but I’ve seen that there are thousands of pieces fitting together all exactly right. No matter what, I know I saw it once, hiding behind the fabric of reality. Even chaos has its purpose. 

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