Grr…

April 10, 2008 at 7:11 pm (Random Thoughts, Real Life)

I have three tests tomorrow. And I would much rather not be in my room, staring at boring biology charts and counting the cinder blocks in the wall. This semester is flying by faster than I can imagine, and I hate to see opportunity leaving with it. I want the memories I feel like I am missing. But, I guess that’s college.

So, I’ll study. And, maybe then, schedules will work out and I can actually spend some time with my boyfriend again. Especially since we’ll be a few hundred miles away after another month. I guess that’s what it comes down to. Not just him, but everyone. In a few weeks, they’re gone for the summer. And i really don’t know how exactly to reintegrate into an old social world.

Maybe I should just crawl under my covers and sleep until…tomorrow night. Then again, I guess that doesn’t solve anything. It’s growing up. One steady trudge from due date to due date. I’m just afraid that…if I start now putting off living until I accomplish one more task, that’s all my life will be. I’ll go out and do once I get this paper done. After I take that test. After I read that article. After I research that. After after after. When do I get to start enjoying the now? I don’t want that to be me. But, I’ve got college. Grad school. Career. Retirement. Death. So, fifty-odd years and I can enjoy my life, eh?

And it wouldn’t be so bad, but Biology is one of the biggest wastes of time. You don’t learn anything, the class is excruciatingly boring, and even if you study, they won’t ask what you studied. So. It makes life seem bleak and drear.

But, I know it isn’t. I have the best boyfriend in the world who takes care of me, reminds me that I can do it, and won’t let me run away from reality, even if it seems easier. So, it’s time to get to it. And tomorrow, maybe I can even sit down and talk to him for real this week. Not asking too much, right?

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