Where From Here?

May 28, 2008 at 2:13 pm (Uncategorized)

“I was thinking, over thinking
‘cause there’s just too many scenarios
To analyze,
Look in my eyes
‘cause you’re my dream please come true.”

Well, I just got back from one of the best weekends ever. Spent it all with Sammy. The only bad thing is that I now miss him more than ever. It’s going to be an eternally long summer, then a short fall, and then…Florence? I’m having doubts about that trip. We’ll see what the next few months do to my thoughts. Perhaps I’ll end up somewhere completely different, some time I didn’t imagine. Who knows.
I really haven’t felt as unsure of anything since, well, since I left for Harding last August. I guess that ended up pretty perfectly, though. Only now…
I was driving to Wal-Mart today, listening to my radio. A song came on that I like enough to turn it up and sing along. As I did, I realized something sounded wrong. My voice sounded so weak and tiny, so alone. Then it hit me that it had been ranked on the DC top 500 rock songs of all time. And I had sung it only days before, but with Sam. And so I just turned it up and tried to drown out thoughts of hundreds of miles and thousands of days. I know it will get easier. It always does. I fall into a pattern where I talk to him whenever I can, and hold onto those conversations to get me through the rough times. It will come. Only right now….it’s hard. I can’t wait to start working. It’ll be something I can bury myself in, live mechanically so that day falls after day and August is here. I know I can survive if I can make it to El Salvador. I know I will survive; there is no alternative. I am strong enough for this. I am strong enough to overcome distance and separation. He means too much to let some technicality come between us, at least in my book. What I really need right now is my wonderfully blunt Benjamin to look at me, tell me to stop dwelling, and push me of the couch so he can take a nap. It’s worked when I freaked out in the past.
I know, strange post from me. Oh well. I’m going to post another college lesson either tomorrow or Friday. Maybe Saturday if I get swamped baking for the wedding shower. It’ll either be on Faith or Love. Perhaps I should see if I could manage a Hope entry too, just to keep things interesting. 😛
By the way, Kiss the Girl from the Little Mermaid is an awesome song. I mean, come on, it’s got a talking crab and instruments made from animals. How much better does it get? I was listening to my Disney Princess CD during commercial breaks and I may just have to watch the Little Mermaid again.

Gotta love Disney. Never gets old.

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1 Comment

  1. anoffering616 said,

    Katherine! You have inspired me today. Love is beautiful. I’m theorizing that it’s when eyes are glazed over with love that we see the clearest (given that our love is becoming more perfect and more in tune with God’s love daily). I was reading in Irresistible Revolution yesterday and I read a part about the author going to Calcutta and working with the poor. He said that in thanks the people would look at him and say, “Namaste” which is translated as, “I worship the God I see in you.” Thank you for loving and loving well enough to miss the piece of God’s image you see in Sam. And, thank you for sharing with me today this small piece of your experience of God.

    …I think I’m going to write a post about this theory soon…

    Much love to you!

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