It’s 11:30…

July 3, 2008 at 10:49 pm (Random Writing, Uncategorized)

It’s 11:30 and I’m fighting to keep my eyes open. It’s some last ditch effort to remain a wild and crazy teenager. But, there’s no denying that some part of that has died. Now, I work, I come home tired, and all I want is rest. I want a shower, supper, pajamas, and a good book or dumb TV. Nothing more. No late night gallivanting, no speeding around the city. I’ve grown up (though I’ve still got the heart of a kid) and part of me realizes that it’s okay. I want to work, get through the summer, and get back to school. There, I can play and stay up till all hours of the night watching Disney. Or spend an evening splashing through puddles and mud. Or have a fight with fistfuls of frozen bubbles. But here, Nashville, is about Work. It’s about making the money I need to feed my habit (school and friends, that is). It’s about keeping connected to my family and brushing away the hindrances.

And so it’s 11:30 and I’m ready to fall asleep. But, that’s okay. I had a long day, but I’ll have a great weekend. That’s when I live. No responsibilities on the weekend, no early morning alarms. No kids running and screaming and begging to play just one more game.

I don’t even drive fast anymore. I enjoy going the limit, listening to music, and watching the road dwindle by under my tires. I know, it seems an odd thing to remark on. But, it’s one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed. Besides being constantly tired. That’s because I spend all day trying to wear out a six and three-year-old. The driving thing is something I decided on. It’s calming. I don’t drive for a rush anymore, but just to be. The journey is more important than the destination. It would, of course, be better if I had better company. Me and myself occasionally have a spat or two.

It’s 11:40 and my eyes are closing. There’s that pressure in my head that I know means it’s been working for too long now. It wants a break before it goes on strike. So I sip at tea and watch the numbers turn on the clock. Because part of me says I should stay awake a little longer. Push it a little farther. But, I’ll feel much better if I turn in now. I just finished my book, I just finished my tea, and the house is silent.

It’s 11:50 and I’m going to bed.